Broken

I haven't updated here in a while, I have been going through some emotional problems recently and last night I finally broke. I have suffered depression and anxiety most of my life and cutting as well, I had done well not to cut for almost a year and ended up etching HM into my thigh which stands for "hate me". I was so mad at myself I ended up carving a line that looked like stitches under it, the significance of hate me came from two years ago when I first cut, again it was my leg and I carved those words when I felt like the whole world was crashing down around me. One year without cutting I lost it again when my Nana passed away carving four long marks in my knee. Stress is usually what causes me to go off the deep end and I have fought thoughts of suicide for as long as I can remember. Life is never easy and besides this pain I am shockingly happy a lot of times and tend to obsess over things that give me joy, this in turn drives people around me crazy as I can talk about one thing for hours on end. I wish I could live my life normally but this was the hand I was dealt, live and learn. I will always fight this battle of darkness but at least I can say I am never going to give up even though I resorted to cutting I am still strong, or like to think I am.