As my allergies rage on it reminds me of my sucky seaonal asthma which has reared it's ugly medusa looking head, Sneezing, couching, headaches, and let's not mention mother flippin nature! so basically this day sucked...
It's two more days till prom (an anime based one) and I gotta admit if I don't feel much better im just gonna say forget it! ACHOO ughhh I dunno it seems weird wearing a dress and the whole nine yards, im used to cosplaying a guy so im out of my element here. I usually frequent orochimaru, reno, or dante, but a formal rainbow dash yeah i even picked a tomboy pony (am I the wrong gender??) nah just to used to blue jeans an t-shirt look, i mean i thought i was hot stuff recently getting cowboy boots!
other news just getting the house cleaned up, it seems weird my grandparents are gone, and even weirder their ashes are conveniently placed in my closet...(burial service is pending) I dunno it seemed so fast its just hard to grasp sometimes, im sure when the tombstone is in place and everything is *final* it will seem more real till then I just keep them in my closet which is still weird.
well before i sneeze all over the computer im heading to bed ugh
origin of name
lol I love these two
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
some days are like that jim...
I don't really know where to start it's been a while since I have sat down to type things out... Really a lot has gone on including almost dying, yeah that was the weirdest exsperience of my life, I chalk it down to a medication reaction but it was still weird and Im just going to leave it at that, except to say that it was an eye opener to take chances and not let things pass me by as I usually do.
Leading to the most magical experience that happened at an anime convention I went to. I try to set an impossible goal every year due to my high anxiety the cons are not always the easiest thing to conqure so I challenge myself to do something either crazy or to put it plainly epic! This year I wanted to walk across the stage since i made a really awesome mad hatter cosplay, the whole day of friday i would have sworn someone spiked the water, fights left and right including my own foolish outburst when I found out I could no longer register for the event. I have to say when I look back I feel like a complete moron for the fact that I acted so foolish its literally thirty seconds on stage big deal... So setting that aside I mustered the nerve to go to the rave which I usually shy from because I can't dance to save my life. I just took pictures the first night and it was pretty cool.
Saturday night of Anime Fest I will never forget as long as I live I had brought a dress after seeing there was a semi-formal ball, I still regret not wearing my red dress, However, I did the impossible I actually danced with a friend I cherish I had previously worn a long pink wig but seeing as he was dressed as Jet Black from Cowboy Bebop I could not resist to seach out a purple wig to transform into Faye Valentine, should have kept the pink wig but it was so magical, he made his way around the room (yes I have a crush on him but its harmless, well except I never cease to embarrass myself in front of him at all times) anyway he stopped and started a conversation and of course im starry eyed to hell and back I cant recall how it happened but we ended up on the dance floor I think I asked him to dance (facepalm the gentleman is supposed to ask) I remember him telling me he liked the song and it was originally sung by sinatra, when sinatra was good. I kept looking around terrified to look in his eyes and im sure I was red as a tomato I sadly cant remember the conversation other than the fact I told him I had a crush on him it was hilarious the look he gave me like what the hell??? He blamed my attention to the fact it had to be the character Jet Black but I argued it wasnt by this point my mind went blank and the inner me is hitting herself in the head with a frying pan! My mom of coure was laughing so hard and she offered to talk to him for (damage control) I was humiliated that didnt last to long though, several minutes passed and he came around again and bid goodnight, well the one song that I love more than life itself started to play and I more or less begged him to dance again, the song was (As the World Falls by David Bowie who I love!) I hadnt noticed before but I seriously need dancing lessons bad I was holding his thumb and practically clingging to his jacket (again facepalm). We talked about diffrent movies including the labyrinith, and I am brave this time looking into his eyes which are gorgeous! ahem... where was I... oh yeah the song ended and he bid goodnight by this time I cant breath as I just realized I danced with him twice (yes I am lame) and just stood in line and signed the guest book and ran out my mom was mad because she wanted to stay but my mind was in a huge whirlwind of images and I think I was geniuenly in shock.
The rest of the time I either hung out with my mom or friends Including Paul and Fay who I love dearly! both are so adorable and amazing to be around, it was kind of a bummer both worked security but I had to admit things were a lot more interesting on their end!
Other than the convention and the fact I am gearing up for another on in October things are pretty much the same, just the usual taking care of my two bearded dragons rumple and belle, my python maleficent, and crazy cat mckee, yes I have a zoo! and I am currently trying to will myself to sleep and its not working as planned!
Leading to the most magical experience that happened at an anime convention I went to. I try to set an impossible goal every year due to my high anxiety the cons are not always the easiest thing to conqure so I challenge myself to do something either crazy or to put it plainly epic! This year I wanted to walk across the stage since i made a really awesome mad hatter cosplay, the whole day of friday i would have sworn someone spiked the water, fights left and right including my own foolish outburst when I found out I could no longer register for the event. I have to say when I look back I feel like a complete moron for the fact that I acted so foolish its literally thirty seconds on stage big deal... So setting that aside I mustered the nerve to go to the rave which I usually shy from because I can't dance to save my life. I just took pictures the first night and it was pretty cool.
Saturday night of Anime Fest I will never forget as long as I live I had brought a dress after seeing there was a semi-formal ball, I still regret not wearing my red dress, However, I did the impossible I actually danced with a friend I cherish I had previously worn a long pink wig but seeing as he was dressed as Jet Black from Cowboy Bebop I could not resist to seach out a purple wig to transform into Faye Valentine, should have kept the pink wig but it was so magical, he made his way around the room (yes I have a crush on him but its harmless, well except I never cease to embarrass myself in front of him at all times) anyway he stopped and started a conversation and of course im starry eyed to hell and back I cant recall how it happened but we ended up on the dance floor I think I asked him to dance (facepalm the gentleman is supposed to ask) I remember him telling me he liked the song and it was originally sung by sinatra, when sinatra was good. I kept looking around terrified to look in his eyes and im sure I was red as a tomato I sadly cant remember the conversation other than the fact I told him I had a crush on him it was hilarious the look he gave me like what the hell??? He blamed my attention to the fact it had to be the character Jet Black but I argued it wasnt by this point my mind went blank and the inner me is hitting herself in the head with a frying pan! My mom of coure was laughing so hard and she offered to talk to him for (damage control) I was humiliated that didnt last to long though, several minutes passed and he came around again and bid goodnight, well the one song that I love more than life itself started to play and I more or less begged him to dance again, the song was (As the World Falls by David Bowie who I love!) I hadnt noticed before but I seriously need dancing lessons bad I was holding his thumb and practically clingging to his jacket (again facepalm). We talked about diffrent movies including the labyrinith, and I am brave this time looking into his eyes which are gorgeous! ahem... where was I... oh yeah the song ended and he bid goodnight by this time I cant breath as I just realized I danced with him twice (yes I am lame) and just stood in line and signed the guest book and ran out my mom was mad because she wanted to stay but my mind was in a huge whirlwind of images and I think I was geniuenly in shock.
The rest of the time I either hung out with my mom or friends Including Paul and Fay who I love dearly! both are so adorable and amazing to be around, it was kind of a bummer both worked security but I had to admit things were a lot more interesting on their end!
Other than the convention and the fact I am gearing up for another on in October things are pretty much the same, just the usual taking care of my two bearded dragons rumple and belle, my python maleficent, and crazy cat mckee, yes I have a zoo! and I am currently trying to will myself to sleep and its not working as planned!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Life
Death is a very scary thing to talk about, my grandaddy is dying of cancer and putting things into place is very hard to deal with, burial plots, wills, estate, and ect its very hard. I hate dealing with it but it must be done my mom is having a super hard time with it as she dealt with my Nana, cancer is going to take them both one colon, one bone.
I have been used to other people being sick but when its your family its very hard. Its like waiting on a time bomb and emotions you have never felt before come flooding in. Life in general is hard enough but this is out of my league I want to fix it and I can't all I can do is just pray that he can go peacefully and not be in pain. At least he has the comfort of seeing my Nana again in Heaven.
Just venting and getting things off my chest, have been super stressed and writing things out really helps.
I have been used to other people being sick but when its your family its very hard. Its like waiting on a time bomb and emotions you have never felt before come flooding in. Life in general is hard enough but this is out of my league I want to fix it and I can't all I can do is just pray that he can go peacefully and not be in pain. At least he has the comfort of seeing my Nana again in Heaven.
Just venting and getting things off my chest, have been super stressed and writing things out really helps.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Broken
I haven't updated here in a while, I have been going through some emotional problems recently and last night I finally broke. I have suffered depression and anxiety most of my life and cutting as well, I had done well not to cut for almost a year and ended up etching HM into my thigh which stands for "hate me". I was so mad at myself I ended up carving a line that looked like stitches under it, the significance of hate me came from two years ago when I first cut, again it was my leg and I carved those words when I felt like the whole world was crashing down around me. One year without cutting I lost it again when my Nana passed away carving four long marks in my knee. Stress is usually what causes me to go off the deep end and I have fought thoughts of suicide for as long as I can remember. Life is never easy and besides this pain I am shockingly happy a lot of times and tend to obsess over things that give me joy, this in turn drives people around me crazy as I can talk about one thing for hours on end. I wish I could live my life normally but this was the hand I was dealt, live and learn. I will always fight this battle of darkness but at least I can say I am never going to give up even though I resorted to cutting I am still strong, or like to think I am.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Always something
Sitting here in the hospital my grandaddy's leg swelled up and they want to check it out, I got stuck in the waiting room well waiting. Its always crowded on friday in Houston, and it has the smell of sickness and overpowering cleaner.
After helping my Nana in june I have come to hate the site of hospitals, I keep hearing moniters and all the nurses and ect. Running around it's a whirlwind of stimulus id rather not be subjected to. I keep thinking of my Nana and all the things that happened up until her death, it is nerve-racking to have another grandparent in here.
It has been a weird first of the year anyhow and I am just praying ghings start to calm down!
Other than whats going on presently my college days have not been good I already had to drop bio and just last week gov as well see what I mean about wanting things to calm down?
Ok thats about it forgive this post for being kind of a downer I need to vent before I lose my mind, family always comes first!
After helping my Nana in june I have come to hate the site of hospitals, I keep hearing moniters and all the nurses and ect. Running around it's a whirlwind of stimulus id rather not be subjected to. I keep thinking of my Nana and all the things that happened up until her death, it is nerve-racking to have another grandparent in here.
It has been a weird first of the year anyhow and I am just praying ghings start to calm down!
Other than whats going on presently my college days have not been good I already had to drop bio and just last week gov as well see what I mean about wanting things to calm down?
Ok thats about it forgive this post for being kind of a downer I need to vent before I lose my mind, family always comes first!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Spring break
OK so spring break wasn't exactly the best in the world, I ended up spending much of it in recovery due to my gallbladder being removed, thanks to the pain meds I kinda fell behind in homework so now I am playing catch up. College has been weird this semester I started off with Biology, Philosophy, and government. Well bio was dropped due to my brain doesn't function well to that much logical work lol. I have been doing ok in the other two so now I just have to get busy and study hard! Recently I have been working hard to figure out my camera, photography has always been a huge factor in my life. Lets see what else it's kinda slow right now so this post may not be very long in fact the pain meds are kicking in so I might leave it at that.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Little late
Well its been a while since I have been on here really I need to do some updating lol. Not much has changed I am still a college student and had surgery recently to remove my gallbladder, but thats about all that has been drastically diffrent. I love to write therefore I will probably be on here alot more in the future for now just setting things up with my Iphone and will be getting on the comp to change things up around here as well. I guess I grew up a little this is an attempt to record that process bye for now
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